And you can tell everybody, this is your song

"Find some way to always keep dancing!"

♦ It was my last dance show with DSW, at least unless I come back here after. I was in ballet ("Hungarian Dance") and pointe ("Your Song")

But it wasn't so depressing - I'm going to visit the dance studio next year (I have it planned out: when I get back from university in April, I'm going to go to the coffee shop down the road with E. and I., before their dance class, and then go up with them and say hi to everyone.

And I'm planning to dance when I go away.

Hopeful lightbulb-changing attitude

Today in the newspaper, on one page there was an advertisement that was something to do with astronauts, and then on the next there were things about the environment. The environment was the more important of the two.

Image owned by Calvin and Hobbes.

♦ Happy environment week (which started yesterday). Don't forget to change to efficient lightbulbs, do laundry in cold water, drive less and carpool when possible, bring a cloth bag when you go shopping... (There were more things, but I'm not as good at reciting them as I used to be.)

Over a year ago, I was really interested in the environment and would read all sorts of things about what you can do to save the environment (One I still read is Ideal Bite, which sends out 5 emails a week, if you're interested). Then global warming got mainstream and I stopped - well actually it was getting repetitive.

I then decided that space was more interesting than the environment. Because it was less repetitive (well it is rocket science). But even though space is bigger, the Earth is the most important planet for us - it's where we live.

Today in the newspaper, there were four pages of"environment week" things (Let's see...two sheets of paper times how many newspapers they had made). There were some tips that I hadn't heard before (front loading washing machine for example).

Still, saving the environment seems to not be moving anywhere. Cars still run on gas, even thought the price keeps going up and up. Computers, cell phones, and washing machines don't last as long as they could. Fast food places definitely create too much garbage. When you buy something it usually goes in a plastic bag. People talk about the importance of saving the environment. It just doesn't seem to be getting anywhere very fast.

But it's not hopeless. It's not the end of the world yet.

The problem lies in changing what we do. We actually have to get up off our lazy asses and take out the compost or leave enough time to walk somewhere.

And now we interrupt with an analogy. Al Gore can relate global warming to his life - well so can I.

When I was younger, I never went out with my friends. This was not for lack of trying, but I didn't seem to be getting anywhere with it. Then, when I got to University, I met my friends in Couchland and all of a sudden I had friends that I could go out with and have fun. (No offence meant to my friends in High school, you are awesome).

The thing is, I succeeded in that. So there's no reason why we as a species won't succeed in reducing waste. Sooner or later that lightbulb-changing attitude is going to pay off. It will reach a threshold where it suddenly becomes easier to do the right thing than the wasteful thing.

When I was younger, my dad complained that lightbulbs, washing machines, and dryers didn't last as long as they did back when he was a kid. Now lightbulbs can be taken off that list.

So let's do our best and be hopeful.

Do Cylons compute emotions?

I'm sitting back in the chair, watching your story and judging you. Why did you leave people behind? Was it the right idea.

I wrote this on Thursday, with the intention of putting it on my blog sometime later in June when I was planning to come back. But then I got impatient. Pacian, thanks for feeding the cat and checking the mail while I was away :)

♦ There be spoilers.

When I first started watching the pilot episode of Battlestar Galactica, I wasn't sure what to make of it. It started out giving the history of the Cylons, then shows the blonde girl enter with the Cylon robots, and kiss some diplomat guy out of the blue.

But then it shows the people on Battlestar Galactica and introduces the characters a little chaotically. Then it settles down and turned out to be really good.

There's something neat about not knowing the characters and finding out about them. So by the end of the episode I could recognize characters - Sandra, Apollo, Starbuck, etc.

I found myself thinking at the end, wondering whether the Cylons really are evil, (and using the word Cylon without thinking it sounds any weirder than words that occur in our world).

I wonder - do Cylons actually feel things? Or do they simply take in information from the outside world, and compute the correct physiological responses to match the way a human would react to the circumstances? The arms dealer seems in pain when they are in that passageway. Earlier, when that guy stays behind on the planet (Caprica, I think) and Sandra is flying back with the people they saved, she seems genuinely sad. Are the Cylons programmed to move the right muscles in their faces to show the emotions, or did they just get so complex that they actually feel things?

I got home and googled whether the Cylons were good or evil. I was looking for an answer, a spoiler, but instead I found a debate. Excellent.

I didn't agree with some of the decisions the characters made throughout the pilot. I was looking from the point of view of my chair by the computing helpdesk, so I don't really know what decisions I would have made if I were them.

I don't think they should have let the people on the Galactica die when they shut the fire doors (near the beginning). Later on, Laura's decision to not transfer people over to the faster-than-light ships - I thought that was wrong. But would they have all been killed if not? They barely got away as is. (Although they could have spent less time arguing and spent that time moving people). After that when they decide to leave behind the guy thought to be a Cylon, without his having any say in the matter. In the end it worked out, but that could have been a wrong decision.

Image found on SurfTheChannel.

There is a sad sort of irony with the young girl with the doll, explaining about what she and her parents had planned when she got back to Caprica City. Then they leave her behind although she's someone they could have saved, an innocent child who's just another casualty.

This promises to be an interesting story, something that will keep me up till 12:24 on a night (May 29) when I have to get up early the next morning. Its characters and their choices, its world, and questions about what the Cylons really are like. I think I'm going to like BSG.

But seriously, this time I am taking a break from my blog

"Hiatus" time!

I just found out that a friend of a friend of mine takes really nice pictures. Her name is Jessica.

You heard it here first, folks

The bit about the lima bean I mean.

♦ Back in 2004 (let's be nostalgic for a minute), I was not angry at Maria because I was finally getting too mature for that. But I wasn't overly worried about having to try to be her friend - if she wanted to be my friend I'd be okay with that. I told myself:

Don't be so nervous cause J. shouldn't be worth a lima bean on my "wish-i-could-be-friends" scale.

Lima bean?

Tonight I was watching TV - well SurfTheChannel which is the same except no advertisements. I was watching two different shows, "Greek" and "Life with Derek" (Both these shows have a main character named Casey, and her brother or stepbrother, and the two of them don't quite get along. Both these shows have one of the main characters is new at the school and gets picked on a little/a lot.)

"Greek" was interesting, because I've been wondering about what I'm going to do if I don't get in residence, and started wondering hypothetically about a sorority (basically wondering what the heck sororities are). So what's better than sensationalized fast paced unrealistic TV show than to show me what a sorority would look like!

I've always been meaning to watch Life with Derek because they filmed some of it in Corner Brook (And I can't wait for Outlander to come out!) I wanted to see B. come out of a janitor's closet labelled bathroom and say "I know what your favourite season is, it's FALL!" I wanted to see R and A and others who were in it. I wanted to see the junior high school as the setting.

I remember in 2004 there were auditions at the beginning of August, and anyone could audition. So I did, and some of my friends from school did. I memorized it. I wrote a bit of it in my journal, we had to say Casey's lines. There was more than this (The whole "incident number one: you insult me, I fall down stairs. incident number two...[something]. incident number three: you insult me, I spill food on lap.)

What do YOU want? .... Exc u s e me?! ... Even though you caused the problem in the first place? . How can you help when you ARE the problem?

I don't think I did too badly either. I could have done better. It's not a very deep TV show though (Has some good family things, a happy family).

Speaking of teeny bopper TV shows, "Hannah Montana" sounds like something I would have watched. Like the whole idea of the "best of both worlds" where she's famous and then she's just a regular person.

That was totally the idea of the plot of a couple stories I've written. "Kiki's Secret" was based on Misty from Pokémon when her sisters are doing this synchronized diving thing. And a lot of daydreams (main character is secretly an amazing figure skater and sits by her parents at a big ice show and then sneaks away to skate. I think that one was based on a dream.)

The name Phoenix sounds hopeful

We would know that if there were Martians they would most likely not be green because it's the opposite colour to red. They'd probably be beige and reddish brown, so they could camouflage. In that same train of thought, we should be green if we live in the forest.

Image found here.

♦ I haven't been paying much attention to what's going on in space these days. Meanwhile, the Mars lander Phoenix has landed near the North pole of Mars and taken some pictures. That's shiny.

Image Flipping

Thursdays. I never could get the hang of them. Happy Towel Day all.

♦ There are a lot of pictures that you look at immediately and recognize. Pictures you have seen a lot and associate with certain things - the desktop picture if you don't change it much, the picture at the top of your website, or the posters up in your room, for example. You don't realize after seeing pictures a lot how much they become familiar.

So I thought I'd experiment. What happens if you take a picture and flip it, change the colours, and have fun with different effects in Gimp (or photoshop or paint shop pro). Can you make a picture of something or someone totally unrecognizable? So that it's still the same thing but you look at it differently?

Because your mind is so powerful if you see a small version of a familiar picture that has been pixelized it still looks like the picture. It's kind of neat.

I've been doing this CanSkate course and all of a sudden it's getting into dance show week (the week where we have rehearsals for the dance show, then dress rehearsal, then 2 shows). I was going to put this entry up on wednesday but I got impatient and figured I'd probably be blogging about the dance show then.

Friday Skating blogging

(Friday was yesterday. In case you're wondering.)

Picture from the Skating club facebook group.

♦ This is somebody who was in skating. Last year she did the same coaching course that I'm doing this year, and then later on in the year did the next one (which is a lot of work to do, most people wait longer). She's really good at ice dance.

I've been doing a beginning coaching course this weekend, and some of the suggestions in the massive binder, remind me of when I was in CanSkate (We never do "Creative Expression excercises" with the kids, but I remember they did it once in canskate and then at a seminar over the easter holidays.)

Twitter till the virtual cows come home

Since school has been over, I haven't written anything that requires any sort of organized structure. So my blog entries are getting a little less "well written". And by the way, you can tip virtual cows on your ds.

♦ I prefer not to call people on the phone, and I use other less intrusive ways to contact them - facebook, email, facebook, or msn messenger. But ultimately the best way of communicating with people is to talk to them face to face.

I agree with the person who wrote this article, that Twitter can "trick the brain into thinking its having a meaningful social interaction", even though words are only a fraction of how you interact with people.

I understand facebook to keep connected to old friends and current friends and to get invited to events. I understand msn because you can chat with someone and it's just like sending emails, and it's great in moderation.

But twitter? From what I understand of it you write what you're doing now (making a peanut butter and banana sandwich) and then write what you're doing next (almost dropped my sandwich on computer keyboard). Are people really hanging on to your every word? What do you get out of narrating your life? Couldn't you just be doing something real for a while?

This weekend we're doing a CanSkate coaching course, so here are some statistics for you:

"Communication is:

55% Non-verbal/Physical messages
38% Voice/Verbal
7% Words
--NCCP Coaches course

This means that on msn (without webcam) you are communicating 7% of the message. That doesn't sound like a great statistic but msn is still okay. It's great for chatting with someone that isn't near you, and it's good for planning things.

It's good for asking someone on a date - Just kidding! (I did ask someone on a date over msn, but this was because it was obvious he was going to ask me but he was too shy then he had to go to class. But it's not usually a good idea to do, because they can't judge what you're thinking and vice versa.)

The thing is you need to actually talk with people to get to be a better communicator. Non-verbal communication is important. (Even in Harry Potter, non-verbal spells are powerful.) When someone says something you can get a different message from watching subtle little actions and changes in tone of voice.

Usually the message you get from the non-verbal communication or the voice, is the right one. Some people are a lot better at figuring out this than others, but either way we still need real interaction.

Even though msn, facebook, and twitter (I assume) are interesting and useful, sometimes we need to talk with real people to get the big picture.

I was blogging when there was a random funny phone call

This is part of a series of adventures in the library when i was working at the computer help desk :)

• I was doing a facebook note when the elevator turned into a waterfall
• I was blogging when there was a random funny phone call

There's this bookshelf sort of to my right, that has the most eclectic variety of books. Everything from "boiling point" (global warming), to some tourism book, to "typecasting" (is that theatre?), and one with a pretty picture of Saturn on the cover.

Image from JAXA.

♦ Sometimes at work I don't like all the freedom to do nothing. My job for the whole summer is to sit here at the computer in the library, and (a) sign out AV equipment, (b) when people come in/call/email with a computer question try to help them and if I can't then type it up as a "ticket" and send it to the people who do know what to do.

Sometimes I tend to waste time doing things that aren't important (I think my blog doesn't line up right in Internet Explorer, but it still works and I don't know what to do about it.)

So, anyway, this morning the librarian person got a phone call and it was obviously someone she didn't want to talk to (I assumed someone trying to sell her something). It turned out it was some guy from England who was saying to read his blog because he's going to be the next man on the moon.

See, every time I start to think it's getting monotonous at work, the ceiling falls in or there's this weird phone call.

& I am a fan of

Ok, that's it. I'm addicted to my blog. I will not update tomorrow - if I think of anything witty to write, I'll just save it for later. I will not sit staring at my blog and think *pretty picture*. I will be reading New Moon (the sequel to Twilight), and I'll have the computer turned off.

♦ I joined fanlistings a while ago, and realized that they are just taking up room in the snazzy navigation spot. So I'm going to put them in a post instead:

So long and thanks for all the fish (Yay I like the ending of the Hitch Hiker's guide to the Galaxy radio series).

What do you get when you multiply six by nine?

We're going to look like Degas paintings. The back room at the dance studio was filled with costumes, and the ones that catch your eye the most are the big light blue tutus that our class is wearing, and the tiny bright yellow tutus that the little kids are wearing. It seems you only get to wear tutus when you're just starting or when you're more advanced.

♦ A few years ago it occured to me to wonder what the meaning of life was, but I decided to wait. I decided to finish up what I was in the process of accomplishing, and then I'd wonder all I wanted.

So, now that I'm done what I was doing then, it's time to wonder about the meaning of life. There are the practical aspects of life, but also interesting things like making life better for yourself and for others. Ultimately, if you could look back at your life in heaven/between reincarnations, and be happy about it, then it's meaningful.

In a practical sense it's to survive, to eat, and to continue on the species. But there's not too much of a worry that the human population will dwindle out - we aren't exactly endangered. So the meaning of life is to be able to actually do something good with the time you've gained by finding food, by not getting yourself killed, and by making babies.

Some great things you could do are cure blindness (figure out how to make them able to see colour!), or save people from starvation or genocide/war. Or you could do things like art, movies or books; send peope into space; create efficient long-lasting renewable-energy products.

Or you could do something closer to home. Whatever you like to do, provided it doesn't hurt anyone - "an it harm none, do what ye will". You could be in community events and meet people and make friends. You could - and it's recommended to - fall in love, and then you're making three or four people's lives better (yours, your spouse, and your child or children).

So, there are a lot of things you can do to have meaning in your life. If what you're doing is something you can look back on and be happy about, then you're doing something right.

(And by the way, I'm still convinced the Ultimate Question is "Pick a number". Marvin asks this to a mattress when he is stranded on a planet, and the mattress answers "five". Marvin then tells him he's wrong, and goes back to grumbling about something - probably all the diodes in his left side.)

EDIT - May 22: Speaking of "forty-two as the ultimate answer" I think that although I don't know what the question is, I know how the computer went about calculating it.

They would have calculated it in a similar way as they calculated the colour of the Universe: found an average. Since so many things can be described by numbers (and the Deep Thought computer would be thinking in numbers - probably 1's and 0's) all they had to do was take everything in life and the Universe and quantify it. Then add them up and divide by infinity. Easy as that.

Do we really want to know the Ultimate question? I don't know, it seemed to depress Marvin. Everything seemed to depress Marvin but especially "life. Don't talk to me about life" (that could also be due to the fact that he was a robot and therefore not considered life).

(So this ended up being about the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy as well as the meaning of life. Oh well.)

New layout

The picture was too pretty not to use :)

♦ With apologies to people I stole things from - a lot of the html stolen from sokolar.com, idea for the image from NASA was from Pacian. So anyone if I stole something from you and you don't want me to have stolen it, then just contact me.

Tha golden age of the interwebs

Bah, digital watches. I have a normal watch because if I got a digital watch I'd forget how to tell time.

In which I write all these wonderful things about the internet.

(Image from some site)

♦ People romanticize about things that involve freedom, discovery, and hopeful looking-forward-ness. Back in the day when civilization was emerging from the dark ages with the first printing press. When explorers were "discovering" the new world, the pioneers discovering the West, the first people to fly across the atlantic, the first telegram.

And these things became more commonplace. They also became strictly regulated and/or fairly expensive. Even thought the internet is ubiquitous, it is not regulated nor does it cost too much.

One time in a Charlie Brown comic, someone (I think it was Linus) was complaining that he missed the golden age of the radio, the golden age of TV, and the golden age of something-or-other else I can't remember right now. I remember looking at it and thinking "why don't we have a golden age of anything? This was back before I got my first website (on expage) and when digital watches seemed like a pretty neat...uh...yeah.

Now, I really liek tha internets (o rly?). And we're living in the golden age of it...w00t!

1. The internet is neat for many reasons. First, there's the obvious advantage of being able to read about just about anything. If you have a sudden urge to find out whether a duckbill platypus is a mammal, all you have to do is google it. Sure, a lot of sources aren't reliable, but you can get a general idea what it's about especially if you look at more than one site on the topic. And you use common sense too.
2. If you hear a song on the radio you like, and remember a few words from it, you can just type the word "lyrics" after it and google it. From there you can find out who sings it and all the words to it.
3. Also, if you really like that song you can *ahem* download it, or just listen to it on youtube where it is most likely uploaded. In fact, you can access lots of things: songs, TV shows, movies, books, comics. For example, I've seen all the Calvin and Hobbes comics, a 289-page book of Beatles songs, e-books (everything from Les Misérables to Robert Heinlein books), as well as the entire Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy radio series. So much free stuff and all you have to do is find it.
4. Aside from content that's already published, you can also find some great stuff that was made by people on the internet. It is the golden age of the internet, where people get famous over the internet. Some things that would be too specific for TV or whatever medium, as well as things that just haven't been published but are by interesting people. Blogs are interesting too.
5. Anyone can put things on the internet. Everyone is equal (except people who pay for their website have an easier time with some things). Everyone is basically equal until someone does something awesome and gets lots of people looking at their stuff. It's what the people reading the internet want, not what some people think would earn them the most money. Yes, you do have to sift through the crap, but in amongst it you find lots of stuff that is good. When you put something on the internet you don't have to worry about whether it's good or not. If it's not good then all it's doing is wasting space on your site.
6. There are lots of communities on the internet. Most of them have rules which the average person glances at and clicks "I agree". So really there are just people wanting to get along. (If there's someone being an ass, the other people can tell them so or the moderators can ban them. And if they turn over a new leaf, they can just register with a new username.) There are communities like Elfwood where there are rules and you have to get your work approved by a moderator--which I like (if you don't want it go to deviantart or any other website).
7. You don't have to be yourself on the internet. Which is fun. You could choose a pseudonym and write all sorts of meaningful stuff without anyone knowing it's you. And you can experiment.
8. You don't have to worry about copyright and owning things. Sure, not everything on the internet is public domain (even though people like me treat it like it is) Public domain is an issue with some people. By the time people stop owning the copyright of something they made, they've kicked the bucket and are pushing up daisies..."Look matey this parrot wouldn't voom if you put four thousand volts through it! It's bleedin' demised!" Anyway. Since copyright extends for a long time, you can't really copy something else or use the characters and places. But on the internet you can write fanfiction!

I wonder what's going to happen to the internet as it grows older. People may get scared of all the freedoms (not without reason, and there's already the odd story in the newspaper about stalkers). When they get scared of them they'll want to restrict them. There's the issue of net neutrality (aww come on keep everyone equal).

I'm predicting that the internet won't be the same in another 19 years (I'm as old as the internet!). Heck it's even changed since we got our Windows 98, back in...well, I think it was '98. I don't know exactly what's going to change, some things for better and some things for worse.

Maybe it will have lost some of its charm (run out of good domain names, people might be even more scared about stalkers). So in the very unlikely event that the internet gets censored or some things get frowned upon, I thought I'd write this while we were still in the golden age.

(I'm calling this the golden age of the internet, but I'm inclined to think that it's not going to go out of style or anything. Maybe a more apt title is the golden age of social networking sites like facebook.)

I am tired of blogging

I never thought that would happen!

♦ I'm going to take a break from my blog so that it doesn't start to control my life. Well it's actually mostly updating my storires where I have a list of all my stories scattered across the internets. It's organized. I will thank myself later for keeping them so organized.

Friday marine creature blogging

This was two summers ago, at the music camp. This guy was giving us a tour of the park and he dressed up as a moose. Then he dressed up as whatever this was (I can't remember) and spoke in a carribean accent. I actually don't remember much about what we learned but I remember he was funny.

Camping weather

Well, life is good. I don't know why my laptop's fan sounds like this (Please keep your trays in an upright position during take-off and landing. Take care when retrieving the contents from the overhead bins, as shift happens.)

♦ This weekend we're going camping!

May 24th weekend (which for some odd reason does not fall on the weekend of the 24th) is the best excuse we have to get drunk and play with fire. Any questions? :P

There is a 90% chance of rain. It has been sunny ever since I finished exams a month ago, but camping seems to cause it to be even more likely to rain.

Originally I was going to stay overnight, but yesterday I was talking with a friend of mine and she said she was coming back tonight (or tomorrow in the wee hours of the morning). It occured to me that it was a good idea...then I thought about it more and it was a very good idea.

So now I'm looking forward to it now that I'm not going to be sleeping in a tent in the rain. It's going to be really fun.

LATER: I just discovered a webcomic (Wasted Talent) that's really awesome. It's by someone who did engineering and it's about things that have happened in her life, and it's got neat drawings.

It made me realize once again that I'd never have the patience to draw webcomics. That and the fact that I can't draw anything except people. Wait...I can't draw anything except female people because when I try to draw a guy he looks like a girl.

When I'm at the help desk if I go on the computer all the time it gets boring and then when I go home I wonder "oh, so this is what the real world looks like".

Today, I decided that I'm going to draw another picture along the same lines as these that I drew in January.

I don't have a pencil, I have a yellow marker and a pen. So I'm drawing it in yellow marker and then drawing over it in pen. I could point out to you many spots where I messed it up.

It should be funny only to the five people there and the one person she's talking to on msn. Or maybe just the five people there.

It's why they're called story ideas

I've never tried slackrope walking except one time there was this person at the park, and she let us try it while holding her hand. I thought I had pretty good balance from skating, but I don't.

♦ On my other site, I have a lot of ideas for stories or stories that I started and didn't bother to finish. Well, I'm not a writer, I'm just a person who feels like she has to try everything vaguely interesting that she comes across whether it's writing, harp, synchronized swimming, or slackrope walking.

I just had to point out this article because it's a perfect description of what most of my stories on my other site are. Except that I'm not a bum.

Imagine having enough balance for slackrope walking. Or it wouldn't be just standing still, it would be more dynamic than that. That would be something neat to try...

I don't watch TV I watch computer

It's the spontaneity of the things on the internet. Something that's missing from higher-budget things.

♦ I've just discovered a TV show online. I've been seeing more and more things on the internet that are interesting and I like it better than I would watching TV. Some of the things on the internet are just plain stupid but sometimes you find something brilliant and entertaining that you wouldn't find on TV--and without necessary commercials.

A lot of people, in fact a lot of people I know, have a TV in their bedroom. We have one 13" TV in our house, and I never watched much TV.

I used to watch Sailor Moon and Pokémon when I was younger, but I wouldn't just turn on the TV and look through the channels. I didn't know if I would like what I found, my parents or sister were usually in the living room or the kitchen, and I just liked to play with kelly dolls instead of turn on the TV.

Up until last summer, I didn't have a computer to myself. I did have the option of not forcing everyone else to listen to whatever I was watching, on the family computer, But I didn't because our computer was too slow.

(That computer is so slow that while you were waiting for the internet to open you had time to go out to the kitchen, put a bagel in the toaster, wait for it to pop up, get strawberry cream cheese out of the fridge and a knife from the drawer, put cream cheese on the bagel, put cream cheese back in fridge, make sure parents weren't there to berate you about crumbs in the keyboard, and return to the computer.)

The point is, when I got my laptop I finally could watch movies whenever I wanted to. Then this year I discovered surfthechannel.com and am able to watch movies there. So I've been watching some movies I've been meaning to watch for a long time.

And I discovered that there are also people who make really good videos to put on the internet (like HappySlip, and The Guild). There are a lot of these little gems all around the internet, that might not have been noticed for TV but are still worth watching.

They're free to do what they really want with their shows, and can experiment all they want without being scared that they wouldn't be able to finish it.

Watching things on the internet is great because everyone's equal on the internet. I don't have to think "I can't watch it because I don't have channel 48". They won't cancel it because the story is about interesting characters without enough fast paced violence (coughFOXcough). Shows on the internet are based on what the people on the internet want, and not everyone has an attention span the length of a Coca-cola commercial.

Another great thing about the internet is that there don't have to be commercials. Sometimes on surfthechannel there are ads that talk at you, but all you have to do is hit refresh.

So it's great--I can sit down with a bagel and cream cheese and watch interesting movies and TV shows that I want to see, on the internet.

------

PS: Save the internets.

EDIT: Laadeedaa I'm cheating at NaBloPoMo, changing the date of this to yesterday because I didn't post yesterday.

I am not posting on my blog right now

Say the following in an English accent, because I've just been listening to Episode 10 of the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

♦ I just got the sudden urge to write a blog post saying that I am currently planning on not updating my blog for a little while.

But, instead, I decided to do a list of things (mostly for my own benefit) that I want from my blog.

• A place where I can put my old stories no matter how dumb and unoriginal they are. A way to organize them and preserve them in case anything happened to my computer and they got lost (It's fun to read them and laugh at them a little or realize they weren't as bad as I thought). Sometimes I get inspired I might rewrite an old story and make it better.
• A place where I can "publish" my stories and other stuff I wrote that I think might be interesting.
• A place where I'm usually pretty consistent with being honest all the time, about everything except my name. And fiction stories.
• A place where I can write fairly well thought out writings about things that I tend to think about. (What do I tend to think about? Anything that inspires me. Look at the list of labels to see a few of them.)
• I like to comment on other people's blogs and they comment on mine. Without a blog you're sort of homeless in cyberspace.

That's basically it--It's not to post every day and earn money. I've put 0 dollars into my site, and I've gained 0 dollars from it.

I'm still doing NaBloPoMo, but I'm not that into "quantity not quality". I look at my NaNoWriMo novel and think it's too long and is well beyond the attention span of the average person. I prefer to write really short stories that make you think (that's the notion at least) but don't actually take that long to read. This could be also due to the fact that writing something in a short amount of time and finishing it the same day you started, seems a lot more productive than spending a month writing a smallish novel.

Book club and ballet sandwich

Right now I'm here at the helpdesk while this guy is trying to figure out his wireless account. No, I'm not being neglectful. He's just more knowledgeable than me and proceeded to solve his own problem, and call the computer support guy and say "heyy Steve how are you doing buddy" so I think he's a lot more familiar with computers than me.

♦ We had book club yesterday. Book club and ballet. A book club and ballet sandwich. Two things I like.

Among the many shiny things we did, we saw some videos on youtube, and what better thing to do right now at the computer helpdesk than to look them up again and post links to them. There was a quick change artist, and a really cute video of a little kid singing Hey Jude.

I've rediscovered msn. I have a different account with only 10 people online, as opposed to my old account that had everyone I knew, and their dog (okay maybe not their dog). But that's what facebook is for, and it's overwhelming on msn.

Generalizations about blogs

I think I like to try a lot of things, instead of focussing in on a few things I'm good at. Through High school I had so many activities that I did, and still wished I could have done more (I would have liked to do a bit of youth theatre, and synchronized swimming). Sigh, I can't have it all.

♦ I am totally addicted to blogging. I need to cut back on the blogging and go outside or something, and do something real. The only way to completely avoid blogitis is abstinence.

I've also been reading blogs. At different times, I would find a lot of blogs that are similar. Of course there are exceptions but generally...

• Firstly, there are the people who have graphics and layouts on their sites. Usually it's anime, and usually they have a pseudonym that's a Japanese name. (Well, kind of like mine actually.)
• In the space nerd community, most of the people are male and old enough to remember the Apollo missions. I know that's a sweeping generalization but it's generally how it is.
• Looking at random blogs on wordpress, there seemed to be a disproportionate amount of mothers and mothers-to-be blogging about their family, their spring cleaning efforts, and how hectic their life is with their two kids.
• Now, on blogger I suddenly found blogs of writers. People who write scripts, novels, stories. But a lot of them are people who write for their career, but they still write interesting stuff on their blogs.
• I've also found blogs of people interested in "Firefly, Angel, Buffy, and BSG". (I was a little slow in catching on to what BSG stands for, so if you're a little stund, it's Battlestar Galactica.) I'm not exactly sure why they always mention these three Joss Whedon shows and then randomly add on BSG.

Haha some of these phrases are funny.

"Jesus bye i'm that hungry now I can eat the arse of a low flying duck."

Double loops--part one

Part one. This is sort of based on a story I wrote in grade six, about time travel. I can't think of a title for it. I was going to call it the Double Loop Effect which is what I named this idea I had that if you stop worrying about everything you'll be able to do it. Like double loops in skating.

The day before Pheobe ran away, was the day I first noticed her. She and I were the only two grade 10s in advanced physics class, but I had never really been inclined to talk to her. I didn't think she ever went out: she went home at 3:00 on Friday and nobody ever saw her until 8:30 Monday morning.

So I don't know why I voluntarily approached her in the physics lab one Thursday. I didn't usually talk much, so I cleared my throat and said the wittiest thing that came into my mind at the moment.

"Hi."

She looked up from her book (something about Heisenberg's uncertainty principle). She could have been attractive if her auburn hair was a little fuller looking and not so frizzy, and her glasses weren't so big and green, and didn't magnify her eyes so much.

"Hi," she said in a surprised sounding voice, looking down at her book. "I'm Pheobe."

I think her voice always sounds surprised, surprised and distracted.

"I'm Devan," I answered, and sat down on the bench beside her. "So, this stuff is tricky. How did you do on the last test?"

"99%." she said to her book, making a little pencil mark at the line she was reading and closing the book.

I didn't follow up on this because this chapter went over my head and I barely passed the test. "So, uh, what sort of things do you like to do? I mean besides learn physics."

"I do physics," she admitted, "And I sometimes go out skating."

"Skating, that sounds interesting. I've been there a couple times and I haven't seen you there. Do you go with anyone?"

"No, I go on my own. You wouldn't see me. The zamboni driver's a friend of mine and he pays me to flood the ice so he can go home two hours early. I go at eleven and flood the ice, then turn off the lights and skate a little bit and flood the ice again. Nobody ever knows."

She had her book open again and was staring at it, completely interested again. She got out her pencil again and underlined a couple lines, and wrote something beside it.

 

On Friday I went to the coffee shop after school, where a classmate of mine named Jennifer was working. I smiled and ordered a mint tea. Then I looked for a place to sit.

But all the tables were taken, four people at one table, two people at another, two people at another, and Pheobe was sitting at the last table. Maybe I could have just got the tea to go...

Pheobe looked up, and pulled out a chair. Well, I'd go sit with her.

I sat down and she started talking, as if she was starting the conversation up right where we left off yesterday.

"Mostly, I do physics. I haven't looked at the textbook yet this year; I do actual physics. I'm working with uncertainty and trying to use strong magnets align all the dipoles in, say the fibres of a cardboard box. It's not working as well as I'd like, although I've taken a leaf out of the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and I'm going to try it with tea." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a page ripped from a novel--she had taken a page out of the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

"I'm getting some pretty good results with tea, but not good enough. I need something that will bind the dipoles in place and make a solid unchangeable substance."

I nodded as if I had a vague idea what she was talking about, and sipped my mint tea.

"You don't have the vaguest idea what I'm talking about." she stated. Not an insult, just a statement.

"No, I don't." I answered.

She leaned closer to me and lowered her voice, and I was a little self-conscious because I would have rather had Jennifer lean close to me.

"A time machine. I'm working to make something that will be able to transport me back in time."

After a beat, I spoke. "Time machine? That's science fiction--flux capacitors and travelling at 88 miles per hour. Even you should know it's not real."

"You'd have to be going a lot faster than 88 miles per hour to do anything to time that way." she said, "But if I use my magnet on the time machine with the boiling mint tea poured over it, then aim this laser thing I made at it, I've made beetles disappear." Her smile made her look prettier now that she was so interested in what she was talking about. "I'm not sure if the beetles just ran away, but that's why today I want to try it on myself."

"Sounds like fun on a Friday night," I said a little jokingly.

She didn't get the sarcasm. "Oh, yes it's going to be great. Once I'm sure it works, I'd like for you to come with me."

"Sure thing," I said. "Just be careful." I finished the rest of my tea, and brought the empty cup over to the counter. Jennifer was busy making coffee for another customer but she smiled at me.

As I walked outside into the refreshingly cold winter day, I realized that I wasn't even sure if my warning to Pheobe was condescending on her efforts, or actually sincere. If anyone could build a time machine, it would be her. Too bad scientists had said it was impossible.

Those simple bear necessities

Actually, bass flute is kind of a funny looking instrument (it's bent at the end) but it sounds so pretty and I'd still love to play one.

♦ We just watched The Jungle Book, and now that I'm older I realize just how good the drawings are, and how good the story is. And they have such likeable characters, and music.

In my opinion, the Jungle Book is better than a lot of the movies you see now. It was made in the 60s sometime, before things were animated on computers, so it was drawn by people who pay attention to detail. Also, the backgrounds are beautiful.

And because it would take so much effort to animate it they had such a good story too. It has such loveable characters and songs.

The characters are always doing something that shows if they're happy or sad or whatever, even if it's just the way they are. It's perfect because they seem so natural but kids would still pick up on what the characters are feeling like.

Also, at the beginning and through it, there is music with a bass flute (or maybe alto flute). That's such a pretty instrument!

No wonder people are still watching it now, over 40 years after it was made. It's a classic, and I'm sure when I have children I'll show it to them.

Nami

This started out without a plot, just me wondering what it would be like to swim in a hot spring somewhere. It also doesn't really have a set location in the world. Somewhere with wilderness left, and hot springs, and where these people go to university.

♦ Nami sighed imperceptibly, and pushed her glasses up higher on her nose. She pushed back her short black hair, and set down her pencil and calculator, trying to push the nagging doubts about calculating force and harmonic motion, out of her head. To push the thoughts just over to the side, where she would study again tomorrow.

She got up and looked once again around the dimly lit, brick walled room. (It was dimly lit because the ceiling light had stopped working and the desk lights didn't do quite the same job.)

Her roommate didn't ask where she was going. Nami didn't bother to tell her. They lived in silent acceptance of each other, both knowing that this was only a part time arrangement until they finished university. Neither liking each other, nor hating each other.

Nami put on her coat as she walked down the stairs of the apartment, because she knew that nights here got fairly cold.

It was dark out. She passed the dumpster and instinctively stepped around the snow-covered garbage that was left near the entrance way. Then she started up the hill.

Their apartment building was on the side of a hill, which was steep to walk up. She found her way up among the trees, until she came to a clearing.

In the clearing there was a spring. She walked over to it, sure she was alone, and dipped her hand in the water. It was predictably yet pleasantly warm.

Shivering, she took off her jacket and shoes, and dipped her foot in the water. She felt the warm water soaking through her sock and the fibres of her jeans. She sat down in the snow and dipped her other foot in. Then slowly she lowered herself in.

The warm water soaked through her jeans, her underwear, her shirt. Soon it was only her head out of the water, and when she moved her shoulders out of the water the darkened blue fabric would cling to them.

This was where she could be alone and think. She floated slowly around, lost in thought.

She had told herself that if she didn't make any friends at University she would just be able to lose herself in movies.

She enjoyed watching movies that made her think for days afterwards. She would notice the composition and the lighting, as well as the story and the actors. She thought that if she didn't make any friends that she would write her own movie, something deep and thought provoking.

It was the beginning of December and she was behind on her schoolwork. She had had high expectations of herself in High school and always got high marks, but she wasn't prepared for how much more difficult engineering was.

She leaned her head back, letting the water soak her hair as well. Her ears were covered up by water, so she didn't hear the sound of someone else moving, until this other girl noticed her.

The other girl was tall, and had her brown hair up in a bun with little curls escaping.

"Oh," she said, embarrassed. "I didn't know anyone else came here."

Nami was surprised too, but she managed to add "Same."

The other girl turned to leave but Nami decided to try one last attempt to make a friend. Here, in this odd place, somehow detached from her reality of school and living. She probably wouldn't see this girl again anyway.

"Uh, have you seen Sketched by the Stars?" She asked, unused to trying to make conversation with anyone.

Sketched by the Stars was a movie made about ten years ago, by a director Nami had just discovered. It was made by some indie company, and was fairly obscure. Not the best conversation starter, Nami thought bitterly.

The girl who had been so intent on leaving just a second ago, turned. "I love that movie! I keep meaning to get my sister to watch it but she's probably too busy. I love the part when you find out about where Celesa's from, and after so many years Celesa cries. I love the music at that part, when she's with Leiko and looking up at Venus."

"And the lighting in that part too, just adds to the awesomeness of that scene." Nami added.

The other girl set down her bag and crouched down by the water, dipping her hand in. She looked surprised that it was so warm.

"Excessive volcanic activity?" she said, quoting a deleted scene from Sketched by the Stars. Nami laughed, like they were sharing a secret.

"Understatement of the decade" she quoted back. Then she added, "Actually it's just the right amount of volcanic activity here on Earth."

The other girl nodded in agreement, and started to lower her self into the water, her beige pants with blue lines, darkening, her thin sweater clinging to her and becoming almost transparent.

"It is nice in here. I'm Erianne, by the way."

"I'm Nami" answered Nami quickly, trying to fix the name Erianne in her mind because she always forgot names.

"Nice to meet you," said Erianne, and they shook hands.

They stayed there and discussed the movie, and other movies. It turned out that Erianne was also a first year student, living with her parents.

"I keep thinking they should start a little film making club at school" said Erianne.

"That would be a good idea," Nami said, inspired. "Why don't we? Next term?"

They talked about that idea, looking forward to next term.

When they were about to leave, Erianne asked "Why do you come here and swim with your clothes on?"

Nami didn't have an answer for that, so she just smiled and said "why do you?" It was just sort of a quirky thing she did.

They promised to meet here soon, and got out of the water. The cold air was all around her and her clothes were clinging to her with water dripping off them. They put on their coats and shoes and quickly said goodbye before heading off in opposite directions.

Nami let herself into the apartment, and was alone for a while. Her roommate had gone out.

After getting changed, she sat down in front of her laptop and started to read things on the internet about movies. She smiled to herself, at how much of a nerd she was being, and the fact that she had a friend who was a nerd too.

Geeks and observations about stuff

In which I get distracted by lots of things.

♦ This is what happens when you put me in front of a computer screen for seven hours a day when there aren't very many people at the school needing help from the help desk. I listen to music, read webcomics, meticulously edit my blog, and listen to podcasts.

Today I listened to all four episodes of this podcast called Geek by Night. It's funny, with a good story and characters, and lots of pop culture references. It's about these nerds who own a little comic book shop and the really nerdy one Simon makes a light sabre and it all goes down hill from there...

Geeks have their own culture, and they seem like fun people. As long as they don't deny that they are geeks.

I'm sort of a geek too... For a while I was really into Firefly and talked about the characters as if they were real people. Then when I finally watched Back to the Future I started randomly making (annoying) comments about flux capacitors, 88 miles per hour, and 1.21 gigawatts. But I don't think I really include myself as an all-out nerd--I'm sure I would be if my friends were, it seems like something contagious. I'm kind of glad I'm not.

I think it's kind of neat that the characters in that podcast story have their own business, and that it's something they're interested in. It sort of reminds me of the characters in Questionable Content (except that they don't own the coffee shop).

I think it would be neat to own a smallish business like that. Something that would be small enough that if it didn't work out there wouldn't be too much debt. I guess it's similar me liking to have my website. I've spent zero dollars on my site (but lots of time), but the site's all mine.

Listening to podcasts is like listening to radio. I've never listened to stories on the radio (although I'd like to listen to the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy). I wonder if they have that as an mp3 or whatever, on the internet...Oh look, they do.

It's only the first week and I'm almost bored of the internet, but I'm sure I could be doing something more productive than listening to songs from Les Misérables, and fixing broken links.

I need to think up some sort of project to do for my website this summer. If anyone has any brilliant ideas, just suggest them. If anyone has any borderline stupid ideas that could be brilliant, suggest them.

I think I might make another section of my site with information about something or other. I was thinking something about the environment but that's been done so many times.

EDIT: Actually, I was wrong. The characters in QC do own their coffee shop.

"Thoughts meander out like endless rain"--mostly about obsessions

My trains of thought tend to go a little bit like this. This one's a little random and all over the place.

♦ I changed the layout of my website, and now I like it better. I stole a lot of the colours from one I had earlier. What I like about this is that the emphasis is on the content and the layout doesn't distract. That was inspired by the simple default wordpress layout as I was reading "Arty"'s blog.

(If anyone sees any problems with my layout just let me know. I remember on our old senile computer the screen was very dark.)

"How ridiculous and how strange to be surprised at anything which happens in life!" --Some ancient Greek guy

How boring to not be.

True, if you need perspective in life, logic is the best way to go. But mostly, we weren't born so that we could sit around and watch other people be passionate about life.

Whatever I end up doing (right now it looks like sustainable and renewable energy, which is good), I hope that I'll be good at it and be really into it.

I tend to get random interests and wonder for a while what it would be like to do some of these things. I almost never completely consider doing one of them (with the one(?)exception of space).

Progresion of obsessions. I'm not exactly sure whether to call them obsessions, just spurts of interest that last so long, and some of them continue on.

My obsessions don't last too long. In level one (grade 10), I was interested in wicca. It started the summer before (that's four years ago now), when I started reading stuff about wicca on the internet. I even met some people over the internet and met them in a coffee shop a couple times (Do not try this at home, kids). I didn't see them since, until this year when I was friends with the girl at school.

(That could lead in to a story about how I started to hang around in Couchland (student lounge). I didn't know where anyone I knew was, and then I saw a friend of mine going to couchland, and when I got there I sort of asked if it was okay to sit there, and knew the girl I'd met in level one and a girl who played trumpet in band. I got talking to this guy about this astrophysics course he was doing. I just sort of ended up coming back, and ended up good friends with these people. Shiny!)

Ok, so in grade 11, I got obsessed with Korea for a while because I had a friend from Korea and I now know how to say two things in Korean: Hello (an-yang) and I love You (sa-rang-he). (I'm pretty sure I spelled those abysmally wrong.)

In grade 12, I was obsessed with the environment. Then space, and space travel--which sort of follows a logical path, that I would be interested in protecting the Earth then in travelling around and seeing the Earth from outside looking in. Which I didn't think much about last summer, but then in October was reminded of it again.

Then this year I loved that I have my friends (Speaking of which, I haven't seen them in a while). And I was also obsessed with Firefly for a while. You would think that my obsession with Firefly logically follows the one with space travel, but it was more that I really liked the characters (And, yes, it's science fiction).

On from that, is a little interest in movies. It's not an obsession. Yet. It may not end up being an obsession because my sister volunteers at the local cable network place and she gets to move the camera and whatever else.

So...I'm getting so used to concluding what I say--and this time there wasn't really any central idea to what I just wrote.

EDIT: I just went on this site for statistically improbable phrases, which you can enter any website in and it shows you the words (except "the" and "and" and those words) and relatively how much they are used in the text and how much they are used in English.

"Dark words are less often used in English, and big words occur more often in the text."

abysmally ago ancient arty asked astrophysics band best better bit blog books boring born breeze bus cable camera cat central changed changes characters coffee colours comic coming comments communicate completely concluding consider contact content continue couchland couple course creativity crescent crisp dancing dark decemberists default diaryland didn distract doesn doing don dreams earlier earth emphasis end ended endless energy entries environment evia exactly exception exit explosion feed fiction filed firefly following follows fragments friend friends geek gets getting girl glow good grade greek guy hang happens haven heart home hope hosted howling idea inspired interested interests internet just keywords kids knew korea korean layout lead let level life liked links lists little local logic logical logically long looking lot lounge love loved meander met miyumi motion movies mysterious need network novels obsessed obsession obsessions october okay old online outside passionate path peace people perspective place played poems pretty prev problems progresion protecting rain random rang reading really remember reminded renewable ridiculous right roborant rocket rss saw school science screen seeing seen sees senile serenity shiny ship shop short simple singing sister sit sky song songs sort space speaking spelled spurts started stole stories story strange student stuff subscribe summer sure surprised sustainable talking tend things think thought thoughts time times trains travel travelling true trumpet try unfinished university updates used vitals volunteers wasn watch way website weren wicca wonder wordpress writings wrong wrote yang year years

Six word story

So, I didn't notice until now.

(As I look back on this in July 2008)... Did I get distracted before I finished writing the above sentence? I meant I didn't notice that this six word thing is like Hemingway's six word story. Flash fiction=something I don't get distracted halfway in the middle of writing.

I put this in the "55 word stories" category even though it's only 6 words, because that category is basically just flash fiction, all of which is 55 words long.

♦ I was tagged (Shiny!)

Six words to describe your life, photo optional. Then tag six people. If there's anyone else that wants to do it then do it.

I tag: Kelly, Miyumi, WorldofHiglet, VibingHigh, Susan, and Evia.

In the background, inspired by stories.

(Image is of a friend whom I did not get permission from to use it. Don't tell her I used it.)

I was doing a facebook note when the elevator turned into a waterfall

This is part of a series of adventures in the library when i was working at the computer help desk :)

• I was doing a facebook note when the elevator turned into a waterfall
• I was blogging when there was a random funny phone call

My eventful day at work.

♦ Not much was happening yesterday at the computer help desk. In fact, nothing happened except someone came and asked if she could get more of this Super Duster stuff for cleaning keyboards (I know for a fact they don't use them anymore, it's carcinogenic and has greenhouse gases).

So I was sitting here, on my laptop writing a facebook note and listening to music, when the girls working in the library were all crowded around the elevator saying "it's coming from the elevator".

There was water in the elevator and dripping from the ceiling at the front of the library. Out in the hall, they were unplugging the printer and moving it away from where the water was dripping. The library people helped move the books from the Rare Book room which was inconveniently right below the leak. The janitor poked holes in the ceiling tiles to get the water out.

I believe just yesterday I said that work was kind of boring.

Qu'on peut avoir le pouvoir

I just was trying to come up with something to name the file, and decided to settle on the french word for power, pouvoir. Pouvoir also is a verb--il peut, means he can or it is possible.

J'aimerais écrire quelque chose en francais un de ces jours. (I'd like to write something in french one of these days).

♦ Sometimes I just want to play a sad song on the piano. Today I printed off the "Theme from Schindler's List" and while nobody was home I played just the left hand part of it. (I like playing music when nobody's home...I used to do that when I was in piano lessons.) I can imagine the melody, but I'd like to get the left hand part good first.

Ideally, I want to play it easily with the left hand part soft and the melody expressive and controlled. I think I'm going to not play the whole chord at the end just the two notes an octave apart (Two flats + sad song = g minor). I'm going to breathe before the last note and then place my fingers on the notes very controlled and soft. I aim to make it...shivery down the spiney. If I ever let anyone listen.

Speaking of Schindler's List, my favourite character is the imperfect yet good Schindler (because it is his story). I wonder about Amon Goeth, and why he seemed to like killing.

You'd think there would be some sort of human instinct to not want to kill another human being. There has to be some psychological thing that would stop someone from seeing somebody else and take their life from them.

He may have used cold logic, and then become desensitized to it. Maybe he had always been told that they weren't as important, and ended up believing it. Maybe he liked the power he thought he felt.

Either way, Schindler's list has a hopeful ending. It shows that by helping people Schindler was pardoned--and by killing people, Goeth was hanged.

It wasn't happily ever after, but showed that the over 1100 people would start to reconstruct their lives. And that humans would never make that mistake again. And the whole movie showed that there was some good, that people are essentially good have a sense of what's right--and that some people have the power to do the right thing.

Three thousand words

Thousands of words, but thankfully in picture form.

♦

"I'm chiquita banana, and I've come to say
I come from liiittle island down equator way"

So, when I saw that the banana sticker was actually quoting that song, I had to take a picture. Chorale was really fun, but only for one year.

Look down.

Look up.

Silly rhyming words

I warn you, I'm not a poet nor will ever pretend to be one. But for the sake of daily posts in NaBloPoMo, I figured I'd write a few rhyming words about someone who didn't want to like only people of the same sex, and finally realized they do like the opposite sex.

♦ Yay
I, thinking today
figured out: nay
I am not gay
It's better this way
hey hey hey
I think I'm, say,
I'm bisexualé

Summer's year of grade six

According to the poster for the first Harry Potter movie the next year, "The Magic Begins November 16th." I appreciate the irony, but...

Also, actually, if you asked her nicely she could sing you that song. She doesn't forget lyrics she's memorized.

♦ Summer was one of those girls who was a little oblivious. She was a perfectionist, but didn't know how to interact with people. She preferred to be alone with a book, or her dolls. Alone, she didn't feel like she had to impress people. Alone, everything was under her control.

She was in grade six--the oldest year of elementary school. While she was dreaming about having friends like they did in the books she read, her friends were forging realistic friendships.

At lunch time on Tuesdays and Thursdays, they had choir which their director made fun and still they were able to sing wonderfully. Every day that they didn't have choir, they would go to a part of the school yard where a path led through a grassy clearing, and each of them would have a rock to stand on. Summer didn't remember much of their discussions, because she was spending the time bouncing on the tree root.

She didn't want to say something wrong. She didn't want to be like Irene and not fit in as much. It was easier to keep quiet and keep to herself.

It was getting colder. School was getting monotonous. They were singing some neat songs in choir, from Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat. Summer was getting not invited to go to a movie when all her friends were. The girls stopped their routine of going to the same place all the time. One of her older friends, Ivy started hanging around with Irene and a couple other popular girls.

Irene and Ivy were best friends. They, and two other girls, were like the girls in the books Summer read. They both took music lessons and sat beside each other in choir. They would have sleep overs and play Truth or Dare. Summer wasn't invited to Irene's birthday party. For school picture day, Summer wore a dress, and didn't notice that nobody else was wearing a dress because they were too old for that.

Then one night, Ivy's younger cousin Beth died. Beth was the happiest person Summer had ever known. She was a couple years younger than Ivy but they were close. Summer didn't say anything to Ivy. She didn't want to say something wrong. It was easier to keep quiet and keep to herself.

Winter came and went. Summer watched as Ivy and Irene's group did all sorts of fun stuff. Towards the end of the year, Irene and her friends were making a little something for Beth. Summer wasn't exactly sure what it was, but she figured it might have been something written only by Ivy, for Beth. So she didn't ask.

It became clearer that they were getting people to write down memories about Beth. Alone in her room, Summer thought up a memory, and waited to be asked.

One rainy day at the end of the year, all the people in grades 4, 5, and 6, were in the gym for Sports Day. The final events was the High Jump. Taryn was drawing a picture as usual. Brandon, a kid who was in Beth's class, ate half her eraser. Maria and Kathy were sitting down planning their time at summer camp. Irene was showing people their booklet of memories of Beth.

Summer looked through it. They had interviewed a lot of people, including people like Brandon who hadn't really been good friends with Beth. They had interviewed a lot of people in Summer's class who hadn't really been good friends with Beth.

On Tuesday at choir, their choir director picked out six grade 6s and six grade 4s to sing a song. Summer was included in the grade 6s, along with her best friend Maria, Ivy and Irene, their two friends.

The grade 6s were singing a song from Les Misérables, which Summer thought was very pretty. She didn't know the story, and she wasn't old like the speaker in the song, so the meaning went over her head. (She probably wouldn't have understood it even if she knew the story. She didn't believe that God took or gave things randomly--there must be a reason behind everything).

Still, she made an effort to have memorized because something finally was going the way she wanted it to.

A Non-Canon part of life

This is going to be a series, I can tell. I have one for grade 6, grade 7, grade 8, and then there's the one in grade 9 where a new friend of hers who was in grade 8 specifically told her that she couldn't be friends with her. Dear Summer, you may not have thought of it but your social skills have come a long way.

Image from www.qwantz.com

♦ There was this girl, Summer, who was about 12 years old. She was just starting Junior High school, ready to start over. Never again would Irene leave her out.

(The time when Irene had left her out could have been an honest mistake. She honestly forgot to include Summer--who was too shy to say anything about it, even though she desperately wanted to. But more likely, from my point of view, Irene didn't want to include Summer and didn't think she would have anything interesting to say. And Summer isn't the most articulate person, so she may not have had anything interesting to say. Maybe I'm being a little harsh on Summer--but then again we can always say this is a non-canon part of her life.)

As she finished grade six, her last year before Junior High school, her teacher told her that she should work on not being so shy next year. Summer didn't disregard the comment, but she believed that she could handle what Junior High would bring. Summer learned later that her best friend Maria had also been told the same thing, because Maria was always fairly shy too.

Summer looked forward to going to a new school. Things would be different. Irene was moving away, and Summer was pretty confident that she wouldn't be left out of her group of friends again. (She also really enjoyed the stickers that she got with her report card.)

The first day of grade seven was a beautiful day. Summer met up with her friends and they talked about junior high school, hoped that they would be in the same homeroom. They discussed how the school was mouldy (It was, in fact).

They were in the same class. They always sat in the same spot, and their lockers were near each other. Summer thought it was great--she was happy at Junior High school. Well, there were things that could be improved. She didn't talk much, and her friends never invited her over or to go to dances with them (She was too shy to do the same).

The year dragged on. Everyone else had this new vocabulary of four-letter words. Summer, who had been quick at catching on to french in kindergarten, just didn't know what four-letter word meant what!

She felt isolated because her friends were talking about boys, saying who they thought was hot (each had a male anime character they liked), and Summer was scared to say anyone in case she made the wrong decision. She was worried that she might be a lesbian, and didn't want to be. (I don't think even she's sure she isn't a lesbian, but I think she's straight).

Summer's friend Maria was leaving her out, on purpose. (I can't objectively say she was, but I think it was on purpose.) Maria would be talking to their other friends, and when Summer came along she would talk to her in a voice that clearly showed that she didn't want Summer around (Subtlety was never Maria's strong point).

Summer was frustrated. This wasn't part of the plan. She thought maybe she wasn't good enough, so she tried to figure out what about herself she could improve. She ended up just talking less.

One day, Summer wrote out a list of things she hated about Maria--and slipped the list in her locker. Maria retaliated with her own list. "Does not know what a blow job is," "Does not know what a threesome is," "Lesbian loser"... Okay, so Summer's list had been fairly mean so she probably deserved it.

The list was written in marker so Summer put water on it therefore erasing it. They made a list of people who didn't like her, but that didn't last long--people were getting bored of it. But before it could pass over, someone had to go tell the guidance counsellor who made them apologize. If anything, that day was the part of Summer's life that is non-canon.

And that was the last time Summer ever did something outside the status quo.

Summer doesn't know I have this information. She probably doesn't want the story told. But that's okay. She'll never know.

Evidence points to the notion that more writing leads to better writing skills.

I travelled a day into the future, just to post this entry on May third.

♦ Looking back over my blog, I've realized that my writing has improved in less than a year. I think it's because I've had a little more experience at writing.

I also realized that nobody really wants to read stupid blog posts. I've also learned to use capital letters properly. And not pretend I'm smarter than I am...well, usually.

Throughout the past year, I think my writing skills improved because they had to (Nothing on my transcript had ever started with a "6" before). Over Christmas, I remember I had my blog on wordpress, and I was writing random stuff to improve my writing skills.

Over the course of last semester I went from getting marks in the 60's in English to getting an average of 76...which wasn't my lowest mark! I succeeded in being able to write a clear, concise essay, which I got an 83% on. (Granted, it was about Serenity and I did happen to be obsessed with Serenity at the time.)

Still, now that I know I can write an essay worth 83%, why couldn't I write just as good an essay but work on making it inspiring? And maybe it would be something worth 84? Who knows.

Also, I don't have to ever take another english class. And I don't plan to. This year was a good end--we read a science fiction book in the first semester (The Invisible Man), and short stories. Then (when I had been looking ahead to the drudgery of poetry and Shakespeare) we ended up reading some interesting poems, I got to do my essay on some songs by the Decemberists, and then we watched a science fiction movie (Serenity).

But I have control.

I also keep all my files for my blog in a folder, which is divided into more folders...

This isn't what the blog is meant for. It's not meant for entries that are personal. But then again, it is NaBloPoMo, and this is my Friday entry. I also should mention voices somewhere. Okay, I just did, in the last sentence.

It's 4:44--Make a wish!

♦ I have control over my life. Which is what I've been aiming for. I can make my hair straight if I want to. I choose what I wear every day. I cleaned up my room so that everything is organized. I even have the "pens and markers" container labelled, and the "pencils and pencil-crayons" one labelled. My clothes are organized by style: t-shirts, other shirts, sweaters, etc. I do not cry but I have a very pensive silent response to movies like Schindler's List. My future is under control: I am going to University and have already been accepted, and I will be doing a major that has potential and is relevant in today's society. I have a summer job I am familiar with, and don't have to think too much like I would for the French Camp. I tell the truth, but it's always through a misty window that hides any flaws or human characteristics. I stay inside my comfort zone. But I have control.

Yeah right. And even if I did, where's the fun in that?

"when we have every justification to kill--and we don't"

See, history's interesting when it's about people's stories, not numbers. Last year we did history in French--Histoire Mondiale. The french word "histoire" also means story.

Schindler's List is a really good movie, and if you haven't seen it I'd suggest you rent it, or curl up with your laptop and watch it on surfthechannel.com.

(Image from http://www.geocities.com/ aaronbcaldwell/Schindler.html.)

♦ Late last night, I finally ended up watching Schindler's List. It's a great story, and well told.

It's a black-and-white movie, with no shiny special effects, but it still has the power over the viewer's emotions. It is set in a tragic time in history, when they killed people for no reason whatsoever, when lives could be sold and freedom could be bought. It is the story of Oskar Schindler, someone who made the difficult choice to use his influence and hard-earned wealth to save people.

The movie starts out with Oskar Schindler, a successful businessman in Germany partly because of the Second World War. He has Jews working for him, whom he doesn't want to have killed simply because it's "bad business". It's the story of his transformation from someone interested mostly in money, to a man who risks his life and sacrifices his money to save 1100 people from death in the concentration camps.

It is the story of how one person could make a difference, without any guarantee of glory or security. He had spent his life trying to get rich. Near the beginning, he explains how he "came with nothing, a suitcase, and built a bankrupt company into a major manufactory. And left with [...] All the riches of the world." At this point, he is only interested in money. He has invested his life into getting money, and so it must be extremely hard to choose to undo this. But he has the power to choose the more difficult option, and to save these people's lives.

His transformation takes some time, which makes the story more realistic and therefore more fascinating. But at the end, Schindler wishes he could have saved just one more person, and he cries (he doesn't seem the type, does he).

This whole story brings up an interesting question: Would I do something like that? Would I sacrifice something I'd worked for my entire life, to save people that I'd been told were not important? Or would I, like so many Nazis in the Second World War, just follow the orders, and take the easiest path?

I'll say I would choose to save them; I wouldn't be able to see people sent off to concentration camps and killed. Which is easy to say now, but would be much harder to do when thrown in to such an uncertain situation.

Near the beginning of the movie, Schindler is very full of himself and proud of his achievements in his business. He says:

"Oskar Schindler," they'll say, "everybody remembers him. He did something extraordinary. He did what no one else did..."

Ironically, it is only when he gives up this money and expectations of glory, that he truly does something extraordinary.

---

EDIT: I went on this lovely Calvin and Hobbes database, to find this comic (this is only part of it). How very insensitive of me to post this:

Songs I've danced to

It's the first day of NaBloPoMo--National Blog Posting month. The theme is voices.

♦ In the song Angel, whenever I hear the line

"It don't make no difference, escaping one last time..."

I imagine a voice in my head overlapping with it "coupé, chassee, pas de bourrée, cabriole"... (I'm not sure if I spelled them right, but they're ballet moves.)

That was such a pretty dance, and such. I just watched the video of it.

I remember four of us had a little solo at the start, and I practiced mine so that it was good...except after the show when I watched the video and was being very picky with myself I noticed that my feet in demi-pointe were almost like just standing normally. (Demi pointe is when you go up on your toes but since you're not wearing pointe shoes you don't actually stand on the tippy tip of your toes.) So, the next year I worked on making it so my demi-pointe was better.

This year it's even better because I do pointe. Everything I do in ballet has noticeably improved because of pointe. That's something I really like about pointe. Pointe is also pretty and makes you feel like a ballerina.

I dance for fun and don't expect to actually be a dancer (I know a couple people who do plan to though, which is pretty shiny.) But I like daydreaming about what I would do if I was one of those people: I wouldn't do strictly ballet, except to improve my technique. I'd probably do something like modern/lyrical. Or be like Summer Glau (River Tam in Firefly/Serenity) and be in TV shows as a dancer.

So...I plan to keep doing dance when I'm an adult. There's an adult ballet class, and jazz, and modern.